So there's not really a whole lot that is gonna change with Gage from day to day. It's pretty much a long, slow process where things will change little by little. They took him off his pain pump (fentanyl) but still have to give him small amounts of morphine every 3 hours so he doesn't go through withdrawals. He is doing good so far, but I wouldn't be surprised if he has a tough night; it seems like nights are a little harder on him. Idk if it's just that he is more cranky at night or what; the nurse yesterday said she thinks its just that he doesn't have his mom there to console him so its harder for him to calm down and get good sleep. I wish I could be there all the time. I hate thinking that when he wakes up he has to look at someone else's face, someone else he doesn't know. But I can't be there all the time. I have to take care of myself, as selfish as it makes me feel. I rationalize that if I don't take care of myself I won't be able to take care of him. Then I don't feel like a terrible mother.
Oh and he is taking his pacifier better! That feels like such a big step! The speech therapist came and saw him and said she doesn't recommend giving him a bottle right now. She said he is breathing so fast and his mouth is not coordinated enough to handle eating. So we use the pacifier to teach him what to do. We try to offer him the pacifier when he is awake, but only once he starts rooting around for it- turning towards it and opening up his mouth like he wants it. Because so far he hasn't wanted anything in his mouth- because he has learned that so far anything going into his mouth is going to be bad or negative- cuz all he's had in his mouth is bad uncomfortable tubes and the suction catheter and things like that. So once he realizes the pacifier is a good thing, then we put a few little drops in his mouth so he learns to suck, swallow, breathe. And so far so good!
Then the physical therapist came and gave us a few things to do with him: basically some range of motion things for his arms, legs, and neck. She said his muscles are really tight and he is pretty weak all over because he was sedated for so long right when he was first born.
And then they changed the wound vac today and he did awesome! Which is such a relief because I thought it was going to hurt him and be uncomfortable but he looks like he does great with it! He holds pretty still and this time just sucked on his pacifier the whole time! He's such a big boy!!
